Category Archives: Pop Culture

The incredible tribute made of Apple gadgets that shows Steve Jobs was more than the sum of his parts

He made the gadgets – and now the gadgets are making him.

This incredible work of art is a fitting tribute to Apple co-founder Steve Jobs.

Created by Greek designer Charis Tsevis, the collage is made up of every product Apple has ever released.

Fitting: Following the tragic death of Steve Jobs, visual designer Charis Tsevis has shared his incredible digital mosaics

Mr Tsevis created it when Apple’s chief executive was on indefinite medical leave. He described his portrait as the ‘ultimate get well soon gesture’.

‘I wasn’t always there for them, and I wanted them to know why’: Steve Jobs authorised biography so his children can know him
Steve Jobs’s core of steel: Apple boss’s brave cancer battle (and how his company kept it secret for so long)
A father he never knew, a love-child he once denied and a sister he only met as an adult: The tangled family of Steve Jobs… and who could inherit his $8.3 BILLION fortune

From revolutionary gadgets such as the recent iPod and iPhone, to the less-inspiring Apple TV and eMac, Mr Jobs oversaw an avalanche of devices over the years.

The 56-year-old’s death was announced on Wednesday. He had been suffering from pancreatic cancer.

Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange: Facebook is greatest spy vehicle ever created (video)


The founder of WikiLeaks Julian Assange in an exclusive interview to RT (formerly known as Russia Today) called Facebook the greatest espionage tool in history. According to Assange, Facebook automatically collects confidential data of the registered site users, and later this information is transferred to the U.S. intelligence.

The founder of the WikiLeaks said in a television interview that Facebook is the greatest spy vehicle ever created by human beings. He added that we were dealing with a very detailed database about people, their habits, their social ties, addresses, places of residence, relatives, and all these data is located in the United States and available to U.S. intelligence.

Answering the question about the role of social networks in shaping the recent revolutions in the Middle East, the infamous online journalist said that Facebook in particular was the most disgusting of all espionage tools ever invented. He said that the users should be aware that adding a contact on Facebook they are working for American intelligence, updating its database. Other intelligence can either hack Facebook, or get this information from the Americans in exchange for some services.

He stated that Facebook, Google and Yahoo, all large American companies, have built-in interfaces for the use by the American intelligence. Does this mean that Facebook is in the hands of the American intelligence? No, it is different. It means that the U.S. intelligence agencies have legal and political means to pressure them.

Assange is currently expecting the review of his complaint regarding the London court decision on his extradition to Sweden, whose authorities accuse the 39-year old Australian of sexual crimes. Assange’s lawyers tend to believe that Sweden is seeking the expulsion in order to give the truth-seeker to the USA. Meanwhile, the most famous debunker of our days, who, in fact, did not debunk anything, is restating elementary truths.

Recently, Facebook has puzzled some of its users by privacy and security settings, and company founder Mark Zuckerberg strongly opposed the anonymity on the Internet. His statement provoked resistance from the founder of website 4chan Christopher “moot” Poole, who considers that preserving the incognito allows people to reveal themselves in all their stark, unfiltered, brutally primitive beauty. The authority, or if you will, popularity of Assange as a hacker will not change much in the situation with social networks. The catchers of people’s souls have made the right bet relying on common stupidity.

Over the last five years almost a billion people worldwide were in the full sense caught in the net, and their number increases exponentially. The leadership of major media outlets requires their employees to register on such social networking sites as Facebook or its Russian analogue VKontakte.

“The problem of the leakage of data from social networks, Internet services and mobile devices is becoming ever more urgent. There are regular reports that phones and Android platforms iOS preserve photographs, data on the movement of the device and personal data and send them to the network, “Globalist” reports. On May 1st “Yandex” has acknowledged that it provided the FSB with the data of people using the services of Yandex. We should not forget that social networks can become a meeting place for terrorists and dangerous sociopaths, which has been a topic for a discussion since the beginning of the social networks.

The only argument of those who lost faith in conspiracy theories is the following argument: it is a hard task to handle this amount of information. However, besides the politics social networks have a negative social and public component.

“Psychologists believe that the most popular social networks are based on the principle of the Maslow pyramid. According to this theory, the highest level of needs of the individual is simply self-expression. A network user can not only provide information about themselves, but also display their successes, create audio and video libraries, own albums. Yet, few people think about the information that we so thoughtlessly put on our pages. This information becomes a desirable target for the intelligence services and, as the experience of the American social networks indicates, a great way for creditors to determine our true income. There was recorded a range of cases when mentally unbalanced individuals traced and blackmailed users,” “Globalist” reports.

We are no longer able to live without social networking and we will not stop eating fish caught in Japan. Some will continue yelling that it is all lies (like the poisonous “Fukushima” fish), others will continue unsuccessful attempts to resist progress. It would be interesting to find out how the Russian president and other senior officials who opened accounts on Facebook and Twitter are protected from such scrutiny of foreign secret services. It is quite clear why such a question was not posed to Julian Assange. After all, he has repeatedly admitted that his main revelations are yet to come, explaining that the information that has already been revealed is “just the tip of the iceberg.”


Natalie Portman: Sex Scene With Mila Kunis Was ‘Extreme’

Portman, who has previously shied away from overtly sexual roles and even turned down parts due to scripted nudity, says she has become more open in recent years to baring more than just her soul on film.

“I was figuring out my own sexual identity, likes and dislikes and all that stuff, and it’s weird to be doing stuff on film as you’re figuring it out,” she says.

Read more: Natalie Portman, Black Swan Sex Scene, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman Sex Scene, Natalie Portman Mila Kunis, Sex, Natalie Portman Mila Kunis Kiss, Natalie Portman v Magazine, Black Swan, Film, Movies, Entertainment News

‘Obese’ Contestant LaRhonda Darby Horribly Dehydrated, Hospitalized

ABC’s “Obese” — an upcoming reality show on losing weight in your very own home — is off to a really bad start … because TMZ has learned, one of the contestants has already been hospitalized.

We’re told 25-year-old LaRhonda Darby — one of the show’s eight, morbidly obese individuals — was rushed to the hospital Saturday in Oklahoma City for dangerous dehydration levels. She was given fluids and sent home.

Read more: Reality Television, LaRhonda Darby Obese, Television, Reality TV, LaRhonda Darby Hospitalized, LaRhonda Darby, Obese Abc, Obesity, Obese Reality Show, Entertainment News

WHAT A PARTY!: MOCA Rocks Doug Aitkin’s Art Happening (PHOTOS)

MOCA shot itself out of an artistic canon Saturday night as it celebrated it’s entry into its fourth decade in a happening masterminded artist Doug Aitken. While last year’s MOCA Gala had international flair featuring Italian Artist Francesco Vezzoli, Russia’s Bolshoi Ballet and New York’s Lady Gaga –with intense amount of hairspray and a pink grand piano, this year’s Gala was decidedly more acoustic, earthy and Californian in flavor with performances by Beck, Devendra Banhart, Caetano Veloso, 30 drummers and –for those enough lucky enough to sit at them– the moody sonic dining tables.

No suit, committee or marketing executive organized this party. This was an artists’ happening in every sense of the word. The exterior walls were adorned by posters with neo 70s/art deco borders featuring original works by the artists in the Artists Museum from Raymond Pettibon to Laura Owens. Attendees could sense every detail of the artist’s intent, even down to the food, featuring a menu of beef or fish in black ceramic bowls (no rubber chickens here) designed by one of Venice’s favorite chefs Joanna Moore of Axe, a major artist’s hang out on Abbot Kinney. Server/drummers sported black t-shirts emblazoned, surfer-style, with the words “The Idea of the West”. The neon tubes designed by Los Angeles Architect Barbara Bestor jig-jagged across the ceiling and bathed guests in a psychedelic glow while simultaneously evoking John Baldessari’s freeway ceiling that he created for the Magritte Exhibition at LACMA only a few years ago. The event, emphatically West Coast, also signaled an auspicious beginning for new Museum Director and New Yorker Jeffrey Deitch who showed he was capable of “going with the flow”.

Gala Chairs Maria Bell and Eli Broad began with a private view of The Artist’s Museum, featuring 146 L.A. artists from the 1980s to present. “Los Angeles is clearly the contemporary art capital of the world, and MOCA is at the heart of our capital” said Eli Broad as he addressed the audience. Maria Bell also proudly announced raising in excess of $3M. Art-world luminaries and celebrities in attendance included Walead Beshty, Mark Bradford, Chris Burden, Fred Eversley, Frank Gehry, Thomas Houseago, Mike Kelley, Jeff Koons, Peter Marino, Mark Ryden, Amanda Ross Ho, Nancy Rubins, Francesco Vezzoli, Marnie Weber, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Kate Bosworth, Kirsten Dunst, Ginnifer Goodwin, Chloë Sevigny, Will Ferrell, Kristin Davis, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Balthazar and Rosetta Getty, Priscilla Presley, Rose McGowan, Mila Kunis, Rosanna Arquette, Patricia Arquette, Rachel Griffiths, Liz Goldwyn, Rachel Zoe, A, Brian Grazer, Vera Wang, Brad Goreski, Cameron Silver, China Chow, Carole Bayer Sager, Darren Star, Devon Aoki, Eileen Davidson, Lauralee Bell, Michael Patrick King, Michael and Pat York, Paz de la Huerta, Shiva Rose, Kate Mulleavy, Laura Mulleavy, Werner Herzog and Albert Brooks.

For those of you who missed it, you have a number of possible options to make up for the loss. You could check out Doug Aitken’s latest solo exhibition at Regen Projects in West Hollywood. You could go the Artists Museum and see the work. Or you could light up a doobie, attend a bonfire, then go to the Museum Shop and buy a poster.

– Kimberly Brooks

Read more: MOCA Gala 2010, Francesco Vezzoli, MOCA Los Angeles, MOCA Gala Beck, Moca, Moca-Gala, Slidepollajax, Doug Aitken, Lady GaGa, Devendra Banhart, The Bolshoi Ballet, Arts News

Joan Collins: I Once Ate 850 Calories A Day

Joan Collins may think Angelina Jolie is the only beautiful woman left in Hollywood, but she is disturbed by the industry’s skinny ideal that has persisted over the years.

Joan told UK’s Sunday Express:

“But what dismays me even more is the emphasis now on women who are excessively thin, both in magazines and on TV. I think that is terrifying. I know a producer who, when there were two actresses up for the same role, and one was a little heavier about the hips, said, ‘No, she’s too fat’ even though she was much better for the part.

It’s impossible, if you’re over 25 or 30, trying to get down to be extremely thin. I still remember the pain of slimming down for a film when I was in my 40s, when I had to subsist on a meagre 850 calories a day.

I could still do it; a couple of boiled eggs, a tablespoon of tuna, quite a lot of lettuce and a tomato. Anyone can do it but why should they? Life is too short and food is too good.”

Joan has previously spoken out against fat people.

“If you eat junk, you look like junk,” she said. “People say, ‘It’s not my fault, it’s my glands’. It’s not, it’s greed!”

Read more: Angelina Jolie, Joan Collins Diet, Joan Collins, Celebrity Body, Entertainment News

Paul Katz: FitFood Cafe: The Healthiest Place to Eat In LA

Recently, some friends and I decided to embark on an exercise and healthy eating program in order to get in shape for some exciting upcoming events.

I’ve always exercised with fair consistency and watched what I eat. Even so, I eat out a lot and my options on that score are not always the best. More often than not I settle for so-called “healthy” choices in “unhealthy” places.

On a recent walk, I noticed a new joint called FitFood had opened in West Hollywood. I decided to check it out. On walking in, I was greeted by Richard Idgar, part owner. He proceeded to tell me, with great enthusiasm, about the different food options in front of me. I was also introduced to his business partner and co-owner, Bernardo Coppola.

I can’t remember feeling such energy and excitement about food. Everything looked so delicious that it was hard to choose what to eat! So, Richard and Bernardo let me sample a few things. I tried bites of vegetarian lasagna, turkey meatballs, sweet potatoes, chili and a brisket of beef.

Now, I am not a food critic, but everything knocked my socks off in terms of flavor and taste. What shocked me most was that nothing I was eating had any salt or oil added. The brisket in particular astounded me. No salt or oil involved? Additionally, all the fat had been trimmed? It tastes this good AND is healthy too?

That is exactly what Richard and Bernardo are hoping to get across. Food can still taste good and be nutritious without all the additives.

The two met while working as a manager and top trainer, respectively, at Gold’s Gym in Hollywood. As “people on the go” by self-definition, they were constantly frustrated with “fast” options for eating.

So, in 2008, they decided to develop a pre-packaged food line. That soon morphed into a catering business instead. The goal was to create fully balanced meals in terms of caloric content, nutritional value, portion size and of course, quality.

A major key was finding a chef willing to develop foods within the nutritional guidelines Idgar and Coppola had laid out. This was no easy task. Richard says, “Almost every chef we talked to did double takes when they were told they had to cook without oil, butter, salt or sugar. It took a while, but eventually we found Perry Anthony, who was willing to trust our ideas and experiment.”

Right out of the gate, FitFood catered a party for Chelsea Handler’s sidekick “Chewie.” Nobody at the party could believe the food was as healthy as promoted because it was so tasty. It turned out that someone connected with American Idol was at that party, which led FitFood to cater for the 2010 season of that show.

Bernardo is also currently personal trainer to the cast of Glee. He says “[Creator] Ryan Murphy was a client before I got the Glee gig. He’d heard about the business I’d started but didn’t quite buy that food was any good without salt or sugar. Eventually he came around.” FitFood did catering for Glee during its first season. In fact, actress Jane Lynch was quoted in People magazine as stating her favorite thing about the Glee set was FitFood.

I was most surprised by the gluten-free deserts FitFood has to offer. Many “healthier” desserts can taste a bit like cardboard. At FitFood, I enjoyed a brownie with peanut butter swirl where the absence of sugar and sodium made absolutely no difference in terms of taste. FitFood also offers incredibly delicious homemade sodas as alternative to standard soft drinks and a protein shake called the “Yam-tastic” must be tasted to be believed.

I am also impressed by a nutrition program Richard and Bernardo have developed in conjunction with the café called “Get Fit, Stay Fit.” For flat fees, people can and pick their meals a day at a time or days to a week in advance. Customers will also get dietary and fitness consulting time with Bernardo.

Several restaurants claim to encourage healthy eating, but I personally have never seen or tasted anything along the lines of FitFood. From my vantage point, nothing in LA comes close to what Richard and Bernardo are cultivating.

Whether you live in Los Angeles or are visiting the area, if you care about healthy eating, you owe it to yourself to check out FitFood, which is located at 7998C Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. For more information, click here.

Read more: American Idol, FitFood Cafe, Gluten-Free, Glee, LA Restaurants, Ryan Murphy, Richard Idgar, Nutrition, Health, Fitness, Food, Jane Lynch, Bernardo Coppola, Fitfood, Los Angeles News

Dan Persons: Mighty Movie Podcast: Gaspar Noé on Enter the Void

Kinda sorry I’m going to see Legend of the Guardians in IMAX 3D this weekend, and not Gaspar Noé’s new film, Enter the Void. This is the movie that could benefit from the full, immersive, 3D treatment: a swirling, gliding, electric voyage into life and death, with sex, drugs, and a dynamically surreal Tokyo thrown in for good measure.

That all this is conveyed through the viewpoint of a mere blip on the universe’s map — a low-level drug dealer, Oscar (Nathaniel Brown), who comes a-cropper of a botched drug bust and ends up on the wrong end of a cop’s gun — lends what follows no 2010-09-24-Enter_the_Void_still5_360.jpglittle ironic impact. As he lays bleeding on a lavatory floor, the camera takes the vantage point of Oscar’s soul as it rises, experiencing the transition to the next world in a manner that closely resembles The Tibetan Book of the Dead. In a sinuous, seamless camera track, we see Oscar’s life — particularly the bond he has with sister (Paz de la Huerta) — played out as grand, psychedelic pageant. The experience is mesmerizing and surprisingly poignant — certainly one of the most intense and seductive experiences I’ve had this year.

Click on the player to hear my interview with Gaspar Noé.

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Check out the Mighty Movie Podcast homepage.

Read more: Mighty Movie Podcast, Violence, Emotion, Gaspar Noe, Sex, Drama, Controversy, Death, Indie, Success, Dan Persons, Social Drama, Fantasy, Off Beat, Art, Tokyo, Enter the Void, Love, Entertainment News

Jessica Massa: Lindsay, Madonna, Emma and the Search for Control

What an eventful 24 hours! At least for me.

Last night, I attended the 25th Anniversary screening of the iconic 80’s film Desperately Seeking Susan (you know, “the Madonna movie”). That was followed by a late morning trip to the theatre to see Easy A, the new teen-centered Emma Stone comedy that came in second to The Town at last weekend’s box office. And by the time I arrived home, the internet was exploding with news that Lindsay Lohan had pretty shockingly been sent back to jail for failing a drug test (and by the time of writing this had, much less shockingly, been granted bail).

As I sat back and let these stories and images percolate in my brain, I felt some far-away sense of commonality emerge. But what could these women – traversing fiction and real life, spanning 25 years of mass entertainment, dealing with issues from mistaken identity to teenage sexuality to drug addiction – possibly have in common with each other?

And furthermore, what did they have to do with little ol’ me? The 27-year-old ‘me’ who was just sitting there, trying to figure out what I wanted to eat for lunch? (and what I wanted to wear tonight…and what I wanted to write about this weekend…and what I wanted to do with my life…?)

The common thread that struck me right then and there was that these women were searching for control over their lives. For control amidst the antagonistic forces that, maybe to lesser extents, often seem to be pushing us modern women into becoming weak caricatures of ourselves. The housewife, the slut, the out-of-control child star. No longer forced to choose between wife, nurse or teacher – or even between red dress or blue dress or green dress – we have been living in an era of endless options for some time now. And as a result, we are constantly faced with decisions that seem to have a huge impact on who and what we will become.

Are some decisions better than others? Do we fail to conquer the forces working against us sometimes? Definitely. (Oh, Lindsay…) But it’s a great mark of modern womanhood that we’re so reluctant to sit back and let life just happen to us. When life gives us lemons, we study agricultural dynamics and try to alter their DNA so that we can end up with juicy plums instead.

I’m not saying that this tendency for women to seek control and empowerment happened overnight. Desperately Seeking Susan came out in 1985, and the film – on-screen and off – leant an unmistakable air of feminine strength and agency to the film industry of the time. Written, directed and produced by a team of women, the movie revolves around two female characters. One (Rosanna Arquette’s Roberta) is attempting to figure out who she is and, ultimately, how she can escape her boring life as a suburban housewife. The other (Madonna’s Susan) remains the picture-perfect image of cool self-control, even as her identity is stolen and she is pursued by thugs. There are men in the movie, of course, but they are only involved in as much as they relate to the two women at the center. I can’t help but wonder if this movie would even succeed in getting made today (we’ll leave that question to another blog post).

Regardless, here is a fun and fabulous depiction of two very different women taking control over their lives and refusing to fall prey to the societal expectations and jewelry thieves that are chasing them. The empowering message comes across loud and clear – I even met a woman at the screening who told me that, back in 1985, she saw the movie and subsequently felt inspired to quit law school and become a club kid in New York’s downtown scene. While I won’t argue if that was the right choice for her, it must’ve been a damn gutsy move. Way to write your own story.

Fast forward to today, and how can you not love Emma Stone’s Olive in Easy A? She’s the perfect 2010 protagonist: smart, witty, down-to-earth, self-deprecating and beautiful without resembling, in any way, the Heidi Montags who stare out at us from the tabloids every day. So people (wrongfully) think she’s a slut. Her reaction? To take ownership over her newfound reputation and beat her close-minded classmates at their own game. It’s Lady Gaga-style performance art at its finest!

Wearing a scandalous red “A” on her suddenly exposed chest ala Hawthorne, Olive becomes the best (fake) whore these kids have ever seen. She takes control over the unshakable rumor mill, and consequently her life, by manipulating everyone’s expectations and committing herself to getting the last laugh. In true teen comedy fashion, the high jinks get a little out of hand and revisions need to be made to her plan. But she is no one’s victim, and viewers inevitably leave the film wishing they had been half as strong and determined in their youths.

Which, finally, brings us to Lindsay and her semi-incarceration. In contrast to the fictional heroes above, she is clearly struggling to take control of her life back from her addictions (and also back from the paparazzi, and the enablers that undoubtedly surround her, and the probable delusions of grandeur that have infiltrated her coddled psyche). Once upon a time, she was faced with endless options and she chose poorly. She was given the world after her star turn in Mean Girls – the obvious precursor to Easy A, and an instant classic – and she threw her newfound power and popularity away. She has become a public symbol of what women like myself fear most – the odds that we will make the wrong decisions and, because we do have so much control over our lives, have no one to blame but ourselves when we realize that we messed up.

Is Lindsay truly attempting to take control and change her life for the better, as her friends suggest? I certainly don’t know. But if she – and we – can learn anything from the film heroines that we so love, it should be that we never lose the opportunity to regain control over our lives, our actions, and what people think of us.

You’re not happy with your life? Change it. You don’t like how people treat and talk about you? Show them that there are other ways to perceive you (no, tweeting doesn’t count). Feel like the world is knocking you down? Turn the tables and fight back.

Having the option to steer your life in innumerable directions can be a curse or a blessing. But which one it will be…that’s your call.

Read more: Women, Mean Girls, Lindsay Lohan, Entertainment, Women's Issues, The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Lindsay Lohan Jail, Madonna, Lady GaGa, The Town, Millennial Generation, Rosanna Arquette, Emma Stone, Heidi Montag, Desperately-Seeking-Susan, Female Empowerment, Easy A, Celebrities, Entertainment News

Meredith Fineman: Fifty First (J)Dates: 22 – Norman Isn’t So Smoothie

This story is really unbelievable. Footnotes by yours-truly. Email yours to! If you do, I will give you a million smiles.

This past March I started talking to a guy on Jdate that had written me a very nice email and was interested in going out. His email was very genuine and he seemed somewhat normal which was definitely a step up from some of the other guys I had dated and most of all his dream was NOT to be a funeral director and own his own lot of funeral homes. (Yes, that was the last guy on JDate I spoke to. No I never met up with him.) (1)

Let’s call the current guy Norman. So after a week of talking back and forth this Norman asked me if I’d like to go out to lunch on Sunday and said he’d call me on Saturday to confirm. He said he didn’t know the city all that well and that he’d be game for anything. He had mentioned on one of our calls that he was currently unemployed so I thought that I’d pick a restaurant that wasn’t expensive but would have alcohol should I feel the need that that would be the only way to get through the date.

Norman called early Saturday evening to confirm our plans for the next day and I told him that Otto (the very moderately priced Mario Batali pizza restaurant) was a good spot to meet.

Sunday morning I woke up to a phone message from Norman. Norman said that he didn’t think he’d be hungry for pizza but did I want to go for coffee instead? Well I didn’t really, but I texted him and said coffee was fine and where did he want to meet. “How about Jamba Juice at Port Authority?” (2)

Did the Jamba Juice at Port Authority even have a place to sit? Aren’t they all food court style kiosks? Where did he want to sit and talk? At a terminal with all the people heading down to Atlantic City or Philly? (3)

I called Norman and nicely said that Port Authority is not really on my agenda this afternoon as I told a friend of mine who lives in Union Square that I’d stop by on my way home from Otto. So can we please pick a place down there? After a little hesitation Norman caved and said ok. So I suggested City Bakery.

I get to City Bakery to meet Norman, finally, and after an aggravating morning trying to salvage what was going to be of this date. He did look like his picture but of course a lot shorter than he wrote on the profile. (obvz.)

After getting our food we bring it up to get weighed. My lunch was $7.00 which included my lemonade. His was about $12.00. I did the credit card reach as all of us girls usually do and he said, “Oh don’t worry I have it.” Which I assumed he would, especially after how embarrassed he probably felt after the morning conversations.

After his food got weighed he said to me, “Hey, do you think we could split?” Chivalry really is dead. (4)

Even the girl at the register was looking at me feeling sad and sorry. I think I telepathically told her, “If you want I’ll take your job today and you can go on this date this afternoon. ” She telepathically told me, “Hell No.” So not only did I wind up paying for my food and what was basically an upscale cafeteria I also lost money on the deal because his lunch was more expensive.

I don’t think I remember a word of the conversation because my mind was spinning and my arm was dying to reach for the Blackberry to tell everyone I knew about what was going on. Although I did remember him telling me that he goes on cruises alone. (5)

When I got home Sunday night I started to feel a little sorry for myself that I had wasted an entire day with this jerk. He could have come up with a plan that would have been nice and free. A museum? A walk in the park?

At least I had this great story to tell at parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs and to random people on the street.

Not so fast. Norman called on Monday night saying he’d like to go out again to which I responded. “Actually I think I’m going to treat myself this week and take myself over to Grand Central station and eat at Junior’s Restaurant without you.” (6)

(1) Didn’t Angelina Jolie want to be a mortician? This is a sexy profession, if you’re Angelina Jolie, I guess. But if you’re a guy named Ben and have a predilection for, well, funeral homes, I can’t even really make a joke about this so I’m going to stop. Everything I’m coming up with is just morbid and awful and I’m grasping at straws and instead I’m just going to continue eating the icing off of the Redskins cupcakes I made for this weekend (they spelled out GO REDSKIN and the S was off to the side) that I didn’t even get to show off because I am sick. Womp.

(2) Nothing says romance like tourists and toilets that are dirtier than Port-o-potties. Seriously, I’d rather go at a Port-o-potty during Preakness with stupid bros running on top of them (I think this might be a genuine sport now) than go to the bathroom at a train or bus station. But really, let the sparks fly over Sbarro, B.O., and people wearing I Love New York shirts because they’re DEFINITELY great proof you are a native New Yorker. And I mean they just prove the opposite of it. But I do love those shirts, in the privacy of my own home, while I pick my nose and wonder how much eye makeup remover the Kardashians must collectively use daily. A lot I bet. They must go to Costco for that.

(3) Did Norman even consider I might not like smoothies? That I might actually prefer slushees? There’s something about the banana-strawberry mixture that makes me gag. Oh, maybe it’s that we’re cattycorner to the bathrooms at Port Authority.

(4) Actually, I think it died with your previous JDater who wanted to own a funeral home. Ooh ooh I got the joke in.

(5) Yep, he’s that guy on the Lido deck scamming on the undergrads during the Hawaiian themed day. And he BYO’d a Hawaiian shirt in his suitcase, just in case. He’s also holding a coconut bra in the hopes of finding a lady to sit next to him and drink smoothies all day.

(6) This joke: win. This date: lose.

The moral of the story if you’re ever on a cruise with Norman, ask for a double in your Pina Colada. And run.

Fifty First (J)Dates
Fifty First (J)Dates on Twitter

Read more: Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, Angelina Jolie, First Date, Fifty First (J)Dates, Humor, Dating, Style News