The Rob Simone Talk Show

During the past week, as President Barack Obama announced the withdrawal of U.S. combat forces from Iraq, there was considerable media commentary focusing on the lies that had been utilized to build public support for the war. The two that received almost exclusive attention were the argument that Saddam had an active WMD program and the assertion, made most vigorously by Vice President Richard Cheney, that there were “proven links” connecting the Iraqi leadership to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001.

Both were, of course, deliberate fabrications but both did play important roles in shaping public opinion and justifying the invasion of Iraq. But the propaganda effort to win support for the war involved much more.

As I note in my forthcoming book Arab Voices, proponents for the war, preying on the public’s lack of basic information about Iraq and its people, made exaggerated claims expressing confidence that the effort would be relatively painless. A former Pentagon official termed it a “cakewalk”. Cheney said “it’ll go… quickly. Weeks rather than months”. Paul Wolfowitz estimated the cost of the entire enterprise not to exceed one or two billion dollars, with Iraq’s oil revenues quickly kicking in to “finance its own reconstruction”. President Bush and others added that “we would be greeted as liberators” ushering in a new democracy that would be “a beacon for a new Middle East”.

Throughout the media universe, commentators echoed these boasts, regularly churning out outrageous claims on par with Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein’s pre-Gulf War outrageous warning that that conflict would be the “mother of all battles.”

Before the invasion began, for example, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, wagered “the best dinner in the gaslight district of San Diego that military action will not last more than a week.” A similarly euphoric (and ultimately equally misleading) statement by Bill Kristol, editor of the Weekly Standard, soon followed: “There is a certain amount of pop psychology in America that the Shi’a can’t get along with the Sunni. . . . There’s almost no evidence of that at all.” Finally, journalist Fred Barnes, another Fox News host, chimed in, saying, “The war was the hard part. . . . And it gets easier. I mean, setting up a democracy is hard, but not as hard as winning a war.”

This endless and deadly “spinning” didn’t end with the invasion. One half year into the war, Zogby International conducted the first-ever nationwide poll in Iraq — showing that a disturbingly high percentage of Iraqis (including almost the entire Sunni population and strong majority of Shi’a) wanted the U.S. to leave their country, did not have a favorable view of the U.S. military’s behavior, and were not inclined to establish a democracy in Iraq. A few days after we released our findings, Cheney was on “Meet the Press” citing our poll as evidence of “very positive news” and then forcing the results to make his case that all was going well.

The same penchant for fabrication was in evidence in the hype surrounding the “surge” the Bush Administration implemented in early 2007. It is true that sectarian and intra-sect violence declined during this same period. But the reasons for this decline had more to do with the fact that the “ethnic cleansing” operations launched by sectarian groups had already left Baghdad’s neighborhoods purged and divided by barricades, and Sunni tribal groups had organized and armed themselves to fight against al Qaeda before the surge of U.S. troops began.

Despite all this, the same cast of characters who promoted the fabrications that led the U.S. into the war, had the temerity to upbraid President Obama for failing to give President Bush credit for successfully implementing measures that ended the war.

The U.S. combat forces have now been withdrawn, but this war is not over, it has not been a success, and U.S. responsibility has not ended. Iraq remains a fragile country, divided internally and surrounded by neighbors, some wary of the country’s instability and others eager to exploit its vulnerability. In addition to the 4,400 Americans who died, tens of thousands have been severely wounded and their continued care will remain a national priority. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis also perished and one fifth of that country’s population remain refugees (placing an enormous burden on Syria and Jordan — where most have taken refuge) or internally displaced persons, unable to return to their homes. Meanwhile, instead of a “beacon of democracy” we see a dysfunctional political order that cannot easily come to closure and implement the results of an election that took place more than one half year ago.

As the nation responsible for this calamity, America will continue to have a role in Iraq’s future. Vice President Joseph Biden was right when he noted that “American engagement with Iraq will continue” with a new mission to help the country through reconstruction and reconciliation.

And the story doesn’t end there. At some point in our history those who brought this disaster down on us all must be called to account for the fabrications, the embarrassment to our honor, and the death and waste of so many lives and resources. Until that occurs, the conclusion to this sad chapter will not have been written.

Read more: Iraq War, Paul Wolfowitz, Wmd, Saddam Hussein, Bill Kristol, George W. Bush, Joe Biden, Bill O'Reilly, Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, Politics News

I woke up last night to the sound of laughing and realized I’d fallen asleep with the TV on. It was 3 AM and I knew it was Jon Stewart but I had to fumble around for my glasses to see who his guest was. Unbelievable! It was Jesus, in his robe and all. His nose was bigger than I thought, his skin a lot darker, but his eyes were more piercing than I’d ever imagined. It was like light came out instead of going into them.

John was making some joke about both of them being Jews and Jesus, after laughing harder than I thought he would, said quite seriously to Jon, “Yeah, that’s one of the weirdest things, isn’t it? How could they forget that?”

Jon was all over him with questions from the daily news. What was his take on the whole Mosque/Ground Zero fiasco? Jesus said he’d seen some newscasts on the story and couldn’t believe the drama and fear it was bringing up. “They want to build a public building for prayer, education and community gathering. That’s a good thing. A better thing perhaps, would be the construction of an interfaith building, There’s room for everyone, and it’s these distinctions between religions that’s causing all the problems in the first place.”

Jon looked incredulous. “An interfaith building??”

“Yes, a multi-tasking mosque, with a synagogue, chapel and meditation hall in it. A building where people of different faiths come together to make a better world together. That’s the point of religion right? It’s not about doctrine. It’s a plan for action, an opportunity to be a communal force for good. Religion is just the map. Faith is the real adventure.”

“I don’t know….” said Stewart, making one of those funny mouth movements he does after hearing a strange idea.

Jesus pipes in, “What could be better in that spot than a building that represents, by its very structure, a coming together, a new vision that goes beyond religious borders? It’s like taking a good idea and making it great. The real prophets of the day know this. Where are their voices? Why aren’t you interviewing them?”

“Hmm, I thought I was,” says Stewart, tapping his pencil on the desk.

“You know why you have border issues here? Because you believe the borders are real, like they MEAN something. Muslin against Christian, Mexican against American, Republican against Democrat–all those borders are made up. You put up walls to defend your ideas–and not even your OWN, but ideas passed down to you from someone else–and then you make other people look like demons. It’s no wonder this country is in a state of collapse. You don’t even get it how connected you are. You’re like five fingers on a hand who think they’re separate and make up reasons why not to get along.”

Jon sat there with his mouth open.

“You’re like children playing war games. You spend all your time, all your energy attacking the “other side” instead of realizing you need to bridge the two sides in order to get across to a higher level of thinking. Even news shows are at war. Look at how you make fun of FOX. What light does that add to the world? All the time you could be giving to real visionaries, all the ways you could be role-modeling good behavior, showing the audience how it really WORKS to bring great and opposing minds together, and you sit there poking fun at another station. That’s really enlightened, isn’t it?”

This was the first time I’d ever seen Jon Stewart speechless. He looked like an embarrassed 6th grader. No pencil tapping now. More like a puppy with his tail between his legs.

“What in the world are you people doing? The ones who call themselves “religious” are often the most immature, the most judgmental and intolerant. What is THAT about? That’s exactly the opposite of what every religion teaches. And I mean EVERY religion,”
Jesus said, as he looked away from Stewart and spoke right to the camera.

“All the religions say two basic things,” he said, holding up his fingers in a peace sign.
“First, there is no distance between you and this one you call God. God is the creative force behind all things. It’s invisible, but you are the manifestation of it. I’m telling you, the Sistine Chapel should have been a mirror.”

The audience laughs, but Stewart stares into those deep eyes of the Nazarene.

He goes on, ” You are the eyes, the hands, the feet of that creative force. That energy is in you. It’s called your breath.” He holds up his index finger and taps on it a few times. “That’s the first thing. Don’t think there’s some man out there pulling strings. Grow up. This civilization–if you can call it that–is YOUR creation. This earth, it is not a bunch of resources to be exploited. It is not to be owned. It is your mother, the womb that you sprang from. You are its consciousness, its neural cells. The whole earth is the organism that you belong to. You did not come down to earth, you came up from earth, as I did. Its well-being is in your hands. Can you be proud of what you’re doing? Are you going to be the ones who kill it off, after all that talk about pro-life?”

Jesus was getting a little worked up, like that day he stormed through the temple turning over the merchants’ tables. Jon cut to a commercial, “And we’ll be right back to hear the 2nd basic thing from our guest tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Jewish prophet Jesus of Nazareth. Stay tuned…”

They were laughing about something when they returned from the commercial, Jesus stretched out in his chair with his long lanky legs covered by his tunic, his sandaled feet hidden under the desk.

“OK,” Jon says, “You were saying there were two things. Let me see if I got this right. There’s no bearded guy up there on a cloud. That God we talk about and fight over is the creative force inside us and around us? It’s invisible and we’re like….(a long pause) its shadow?”

“Not exactly,” says Jesus. We’re like the physical form of the same energy. The ice cube version of water or steam. Same elements, different form. The sea and the iceberg. You’re all icebergs in the Sea of God,” he said, half-laughing at his own quaint metaphor. “But the problem is you don’t realize that underneath it all, you’re all connected. There’s just one big iceberg with a lot of tips. The truth is, you’re Creation continuing the co-creation of Itself.”

“Oh my,” says Stewart. “Let’s leave that discussion to Bill Moyers, What about number two? What’s the number two thing we’re supposed to know?”

Jesus holds up his two fingers again, tapping the tip of his middle finger. The camera zoomed in so closely on him I could see a scar on his forehead. “It’s not so much what you need to know–that’s part of the problem, all these peoples’ belief systems. That’s what gets you in trouble. No one has to believe in me to get to heaven. A…there is no heaven to get to and B, it’s not what you believe but how you act that matters. If anyone learned anything from reading that Bible they should have picked up that one. There’s 3000 references to helping the poor in there. But let me get back…”

“Yes,” says Stewart. “The second thing..”

“The second thing is this: forget everything you ever learned in any holy book and just treat everyone like a brother and a sister. I mean that literally. If it were your brother coming across the border…your sister with cancer and no health care….your child unable to get an education….your mother with no food in her house. And even further, your brother who was gay or hated gays, your sister who was a corrupt politician, your brother who bombed an abortion clinic, your sister who got an abortion. What does it look like to love unconditionally? To bridge differences, to come together over what we can agree on? Can you get through one day without thinking you’re better or less than another? That’s the thing to strive for. That is living faithfully.”

“But…but…” says Stewart. “What about the Tea Partyers, the terrorists, what about Fox News and hate crimes?”

“If you think they are so different from you, be the opposite of what you think they are and enact that powerfully in the world. Don’t focus on who’s wrong. Just be a greater force for good.”

“Not focus on who’s wrong? How could I do my show?”

“Exactly. Remember what Gandhi said? Be the change you want to see in the world?”

“Sure. I have that quotation on my refrigerator.”

“Well, it’s time to take it further. You’re evolving as a people. You’ve come through the Dark Ages, the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, the wrongly named Period of Enlightenment. You’re now in the Information Age. You are growing your consciousness. In the physical world, you have Olympic marathon trainers who run 10 miles or more a day. They spend every waking hour in training, eating the right foods, researching the right clothing and equipment, working out, following a discipline. And in the metaphysical world, the spiritual world, you have people doing the same–they are your mystics and prophets–engaging in spiritual practice, accelerating their wisdom, expanding their consciousness, transcending judgment and radiating love into the world. You might be in that category.,.”

Stewart does one of his choking, ahem things, putting his hand over his mouth. “Out of the question,” he says frankly. “I thrive on judgment.”

“Good to know yourself. You’re all evolving at different rates. In the fall, when you look at a maple tree, you see leaves that are green, yellow, orange and red. They don’t all change at the same time. And that’s what makes life exciting. You all know different things. That’s why you need each other. Like that guy Ken Wilbur said, “You’re all right, only partly so.”

Stewart nods his head in agreement, tapping his pencil on the table again.

“But back to Gandhi. I agree with what he said, but I’ll say it a different way, just to shake things up a bit, which I love to do. By the way, it’d make a great bumper sticker:
Be the God you want to see in the world.”

“Oh-oh, sounds blasphemous to me,” says Stewart.

“You know as well as I do, every good idea starts out as a blasphemy.”

“OK, great, we’re out of time,” says Stewart, as the camera swings over for a shot of the audience. They’re all standing, some crying and laughing at the same time, the most incredible look of collective awe I’ve ever seen. And Jesus walks over like Jay Leno and starts shaking hands with them. What a night!”

Jan Phillips
September 3, 2010

Read more: Ground Zero Mosque, Daily Show, Prophet, Jon Stewart, Jesus, Entertainment News

As we re-enter the wacky world of the Runway Projectors this week, we’re treated to Michael D in bed chirping “Good morning” followed by, “it’s like being trapped in hell.” Which reminds me I’ve been meaning to make note of the atlas housing arrangements, who is bunking with who and like that. So here’s how that shakes out at the moment:
– Michael D, Casanova, Mondo, and Christopher (can you imagine the trash talking here)
– April, Peach (who seem to be brothers from different mothers…so to speak)
– Ivy, Valerie, Gretchen (hell’s bells, this is a beeyotch fest)
– Andy, Michael C (there is literally NO ONE who likes Michael C, including Andy)

Casanova’s just content at the moment to have immunity from last week’s win. Michael C is smarting from the Under-The-Bus-Throwathon last week (to camera: “bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep them all”). Ivy’s still kissing Gretchen’s ass, but behind her back opining to Valerie that she thinks the Tim speech last week was good for G and provided a reality check. Valerie diplomatically says that G has a strong personality and she tends to fall into a leadership role without realizing it. Meanwhile Gretchen pouts to camera, “I’m not a manipulative person and it really, really hurt my feelings to have Tim say that to me. It kind of clouds my vision a little bit.”

Off to Runwayville for the word on the next challenge. Enter La Klum, who tells them that this week’s challenge is to re-invent the world’s ugliest bridesmaid dresses into a fashionable look for the women who wore them and were told, as all bridesmaids are, “you can totally wear that again.” Eleven women join Heidi onstage in their dresses, which range from icky to disgusting in both fabric choice and color. This is where I notice that Ivy has the most shrill, horrible laugh.

Bridesmaid Dresses from Hell

Since Casanova won last week he gets first choice so he goes for a tall, model-proportioned girl named Julia. Heidi opens the black bag of doom to select the next designer to choose, which turns out to be Mondo (on whom I admit to having a big schoolgirl crush right now even though he obviously plays for the other team). Mondo chooses a tanned Jersey girl, Amanda, because her dress is a rosy pink and he likes the color. It’s not until she sashays off the runway that we see that there’s a weird ugly white laced up panel in the back. Mondo: “Now I’m sweating.”

Of course the last girl standing is the zaftig Jacleen. Michael D gets her by default as his is the last name out of the bag. “It’s a date,” he quips. “Alright, can’t wait,” returns Jacleen gamely. Meanwhile you know no one chose her because they don’t have the first idea how to make clothes that aren’t for tall, lithe models.

Jacleen ready for her date with destiny

Back to the workroom, where the dresses are placed on their dressforms at everyone’s space. Tim comes in and commiserates, “I have to tell you something, these are terrifying looking garments….what’s wrong with the bridesmaid dress industry, I ask you.” They get a 30-minute consultation with their new clients and then off to Mood with a budget of $50 to buy up to two yards of additional fabric. The caveat: they have to use most of the original dress in the design.

Christopher’s model has cold feet so a new victim has been chosen for him. April worries that her model is not open to her aesthetic and is too demanding. Michael C says it’s fun when you have a client you can relate to (at this point it’s probably fun to be able to relate to anyone since he’s in Cold Shoulderville – I feel bad for him). Peach gives her model runway walking lessons. Michael D talks about the challenges of designing for a woman “who’s a little more …um… voluptuous – it has the tendency to go really, really wrong.”

Tim is adorably 5th-grade-teacher-y as they go off to shop at Mood: “Yay! Follow me.”
During the shopping trip Michael D decides to buy upholstery fabric in order to get more yardage. It’s obvious he’s freaking about designing for a larger size woman, but he’s keeping it together for the cameras. “I don’t even want my girl’s size to be a conversation topic,” he says. “I think she has a wicked curvaceous body.”

For some reason this is the episode of do-rags. Valerie and Andy both sport one during their sewing day, see below

and on the runway day Michael D wears one that makes him look like an extra in Gone With the Wind. Do you think I’m kidding? See for yourself.

Valerie thinks that Michael C will wow the judges, who all think they’re crazy for thinking he’s talentless. Here I have to ask; why do they hate on Michael C so badly? He doesn’t appear to be a vicious backstabbing beeyotch like G, or a conniving kiss ass like Ivy. But there is not one designer that’s on his side. Even Casanova, who gives him a friendly shove and says he’s talented, is all nodding assent when everyone starts to trash talk on him. Likewise Peach – the show’s mom figure – is down on Michael C. Is there something on the editing room floor we don’t know about?

Speaking of editing, in an attempt to make us believe that Gretchen is not the stone cold beeyotch we all know now she really is, we get to eavesdrop this week on her videocam call to her mother. G is homesick and her mom advises her you can do this, to stick with it, tremendous opportunity etc. “My mom is one of my best friends,” G tells us. The call reminds her that she needs to stay focused on her work. Meanwhile Christopher has stayed her little lap dog, he was “crushed” when Tim made those comments at the end of last week’s show. “There’s not a malicious bone in her body,” Christopher says.

Enter La Gunn for Check In Time. G looks apprehensive, like she is being made to pet a dog that bit her. Tim comes over to her station first and the background music waxes a bit overdramatic. Tim likes what she’s doing but says she needs to guard against something that could look too athletic. G thanks him for his august advice and carries on.

Tim points out to Michael D how much of an honor and a privilege it is to design for someone who’s not a size 6. “I’m excited about it, you don’t even know,” says Michael D in such a way that I know he’s lying his ass off. He’s considering covering the front with a black netting which Tim thinks looks like a great big oversized bra. This can’t end well.

Mondo’s got a sixties mod thing going, “I’m actually crazy about it,” says Tim. (At this point I’m daydreaming about Mondo moving into my house when I make my first million and designing outfits for me full time).

Teen Heartthrob Time

I’m a little over Valerie, who’s too much into ganging up against Michael C for my taste and who also seems to be going too far into BadTasteville with her garment this week. Tim tells her it’s looking as far away from fashion as one can get and “looking more like clothes” (the way he says the word clothes sounds like it’s synonymous with vomit).

Peach is struggling with an awful gauzy print she chose for the top above the green pencil skirt. She’s thinking of adding some peplum to the bottom, at which Tim audibly groans, but agrees she does need something to break it up. Valerie to camera: “it’s a very ruffly grandma print paisley dress.”

Christopher’s challenge is to make his girl’s fabric not look like curtains, which it actually does. Curtains hanging in Liberace’s mansion in Las Vegas. Tim likes the way Casanova’s look is going, “there’s something sporty about it….I like this blouson.” Casanova comes back with his now trademark comment: “Ek-saaaak-lee, ek-sak-lee.” (Check out mashup below of “Exactly,” by Casanova, from the Project Runway website)

Curveball time! Tim makes an announcement that tomorrow will not be a runway day but instead there will be a designer showcase with hundreds of people attending. Valerie wants to know if they will be real people (as opposed to…?). The designers will present their models and designs to the guests, who will vote on their favorite outfits. This will factor into the next day’s judging.

The ex-bridesmaids come in for a fitting. Michael C was on the fence about the lace top that his model wanted but decided she’s right and he’s going to add it. Peach is “in a little bit of a Peach panic” because she made a cutting error on the skirt and doesn’t have enough fabric left to fix it. She knows she’ll be in the bottom but thinks (hopes) there are worse garments this week. She doesn’t know if real people will like the dress because she herself doesn’t like it. (Gretchen to her roomies: Peach might be “caught up with”)

At the showcase each of them has a small stage where their client stands in the redesigned outfit next to a photo of what it looked like before. There’s also a tip jar people will put buttons into if they like the garment. Tim advises them to “engage” and “seduce” the guests.

The crowd ends up loving Michael C and Mondo’s looks. Michael D gets one button. G tells the folks that the bib like top she made is all handpainted and the look is versatile – could be worn with jeans and a blazer or could be office appropriate. I honestly question her taste level. Plus, as Michael C points out, there is serious side boobage going on.

He’s not kidding

Ivy has it in her mind that Michael C is poisoning people against her and telling them she’s the bitch of the show. Is it me or is there more bitchiness than usual this season?

Gretchen feeds into Ivy’s paranoia by telling her that Michael C is trying to figure out how to break her. When Andy asks Michael C if he was telling people not to vote for Ivy, Michael flat out denies it. “I would never ever do that.” He decides he’s going to talk to her about it. Ivy says she’s not going to confront him so she can conserve her energy and focus on getting to the end of the competition. When he does confront her the next day she brushes it off.

The morning of the runway show, Peach is feeling more confident because of the public’s reaction to her dress although she’s in a snit because the skirt still needs to be finished. As they all run around finishing up their garments and making revisions here and there, Tim comes in to reel off the product placements (my favorite: “use the Piperlime accessory wall very thoughtfully.”)

Runway Showtime. Our guest judge this week is Cynthia Rowley, who as it happens just launched a collection of bridesmaid dresses, quel coincidence. Casanova’s gone quite debonair in a vest, white shirt, and tie with a natty chapeau. April’s hair is down for once, which looks much better, kind of Gwen Stefani-ish. Peach is in my least favorite of her looks, the shopping mall looking pink sweater with the tiny eyeglasses all over it. Michael D’s sporting the Butterfly McQueen do-rag. Andy’s got a brand new Mohawk. As Cynthia Rowley is announced, Gretchen waves, clearly thrilled, and gives her a geeky fist pump.

It’s time for the show. Mondo‘s way pleased with his look, “the bridesmaid’s dress was a catastrophe, this dress is a miracle.” My thoughts? This boy is a freaking genius. This is so so cute. I love the hair because it’s very retro sixties (the judges don’t as you’ll see). She looks like she just walked off the set of Hullabaloo. Along with our model looks this week I’m going to give you the before of their garments, except for Christopher, who had no before photo.

Ivy‘s a little concerned over the fit of her model’s pants. For my money, this is a pretty good transformation of an ugly bridesmaid’s gown.

Valerie thinks her model looks great but Nina has that knitted brow look like what was she thinking – and this is not a look you ever want NG to have. I am hard pressed to believe that talented Valerie did this, it’s so unattractive.

Gretchen‘s model has a weird twotone bib top and the skirt looks like it was burnt with an iron, plus the thigh high boots. I’m starting to realize G has an unhealthy fascination with high boots.

Peach sees her model coming down the runway and expresses, “…I think for the love of God and all that’s holy what did I do to this girl.” Peach doesn’t look at the judges because she’s afraid of the look on MK’s face. Oh, triple ick. The skirt is wayyyyy too short. And the top…well, let’s let the shredding take place by the experts. One thing I have to say though, bra straps along with the halter top…not so much.

Andy‘s having second thoughts on his outfit, the shorts needed to be shorter perhaps but he feels the overall look is really good, really strong. Michael D: “She’s going to take your husband away.” To me, this looks so so boring. Far from a clubbing outfit which is what Tim said in the workroom, more like she’s going to do laundry on a summer afternoon on the lower east side. Am I crazy?

As his girl walks down the runway, Michael C is looking only at Nina’s face. “She looks at my dress and she puts the little card over her head and I was like, OHMYGOD IT’S TOO SHORT, I’m dying inside, that’s it, I’m going home.” I admit I’m impressed by this dress, especially made by someone the other designers keep saying has no talent.

Christopher‘s girl walks the plank. G tells him it’s really well made which must be her way of being nice or something. I think he did an admirable job with a flouncy dress that looked like curtains.

Michael D‘s model is next. The hair up looks too severe. She looks matronly. Not a look you would ever want to have, least of all on a runway. Heidi looks frankly puzzled. Michael D: “If they send me home they send me home. I’m not going to cry.” Jacleen deserved better.

Casanova likes his model’s look. He thinks making a dress from a dress is expected – but to make motorcycle pants from a bridesmaid’s dress is unexpected. I like this look, the colors are cute, and I really like the half boots he chose for the model to wear.

April is totally thrilled by her model, who walks like she knows her way around a runway. “Oh my God, she’s so fierce.” I haven’t been very impressed by April, in fact was surprised she made it this far, but she did well with this.

April, Ivy, Andy, Gretchen, and Casanova are declared safe and go off to the dishing area to dish on who’s on the top and who’s on the bottom. It’s another Michael C hatefest. April thinks he’s in the bottom. G says there are construction issues with his dress – “you can’t do a zipper, a swoop, lace and satin – COME ON!” Ivy says he’s kind of all over the place. April and Casanova just nod along.

Left on the runway are Michael C, Peach, Mondo, Valerie, Christopher, and Michael D. The judges start on – I mean with – Michael D. MK comes out with another great Korsism: “I actually think you went from bridesmaid to Bat Mitzvah.” Heidi says it looked better before. Nina says that the fabric is unfortunate, “it looks like mosquito netting from here, plus you can see every single detail that went wrong.” Cynthia says she thinks she sees that he was going for a kind of retro Mad Men idea but it didn’t work. The model, Jacleen, says she thinks it’s really fun and it feels way more comfortable than the original dress.

Christopher is next. MK says it feels like two dresses were glued together, he likes the top and the bias at the waist, but the bottom doesn’t work. Nina likes the top but feels the bottom is too short. Heidi finds it sexy and still very elegant. Cynthia is the biggest champion – “it feels like the bridesmaid’s dress was ripped apart and deconstructed…it’s beautiful…it’s perfect.”

Peach, oy vey gevolt. MK starts by saying, “I think her hair is gorgeous…” Peach gushes, “isn’t it beautiful?” Michael Kors finishes, “…but that’s all I think looks gorgeous. The shredding commences. “The top is a Holly Hobbie halter, there’s nothing sexy about it at all, I don’t think that the avocado dinner napkins tucked in at her hip are doing anything for you…She’s young and cool and you’re trying to make her look like she’s at the church Bring-A-Pot-Dinner.” Peach says she felt it was really chopping Erika without the peplum, to which MK argues that she has an avocado goiter. OUCH. Erika gamely thinks the outfit is fun, to which MK asks if she saw herself in a three-way mirror (she says yes). Heidi likes the racer back, but says the ruffle on the bottom looks like a bedskirt. Nina chimes in that the color is “boring” and the design “just looks weird and old.” Cynthia thinks fashion “should look effortless and this looks oddly uptight.” Peach admits she got lost. Heidi asks Erika if she feels sexy, Erika responds that she feels comfortable. “That means no,” laughs Heidi.

Let’s take a closer look at those avocado dinner napkins. Oh, ish.

Mondo is next. Nina likes the asymmetry, streamlined, modern. Cynthia says it’s a good transformation, sleek and cool. Her only issue is that Amanda’s hair looks like a style she would have worn with the original bridesmaid’s dress. MK loves the pink strip at the shoulder, both feminine and tough: “It’s a hot dress on a hot girl.”

Valerie takes some serious hits for her look. She starts to explain that she wanted to do color blocking to give the illusion of bringing Lena in. MK says that color blocking can do great things for your body but “the way this is color blocked it’s like you turned her into nursing grandmother chest.” Nina says the top is lopsided, “you’ve made her look shorter and broader than she is.” Cynthia adds the straps look a little Fredericks of Hollywood. Heidi’s one remark is that she didn’t hate it as much as everyone else.

Michael C is last. Heidi says it’s really edgy and really hip. Hard but still sexy and feminine. She loves the lace on top. MK says his styling is spot on, “you took a very bland bridesmaid’s dress and you gave her a cocktail dress that in fact looks very expensive.” Cynthia calls it’s “ultra sophisticated” and loves that it’s almost at that too-short length “where it’s exciting.” Nina loves the mix of the lace, the satin, the detail of the velvet bow in the back.

The judges dispatch everyone to the dishing area while they make their final decisions. Peach tells the group that her dress was “her gift to everyone here because you guys are safe.” Michael D says the judges thought his outfit looked cheap and that he made Jacleen look worse, “but Michael here…they loved his.” Michael C, who had been sitting quietly, admits that they loved the lace, the back, the little bow, the paneling. Everyone looks like they just smelled something really bad.

Back in JudgeLand, their top three are Michael C, Mondo and Christopher. Heidi liked the bustier and the one shoulder of Christopher’s dress. Cynthia is impressed with how effortless the faux organza drape on the top looked. As for Mondo, they all agree the transformation of his dress was astounding. Heidi: “he made a modern, hot dress.” Nina adds, “but the hair and makeup were the Jersey Shore. MK: “Snooki and the Flintstones.” As for Michael C, they seem to take special delight in the fact that the whole group trashed him severely last week for not knowing how to sew. MK says that dress had that perfect balance, the sleeve and higher neckline balanced the shorter hemline. It was a “phenomenal transformation” from the original dress.

The bottom three are Valerie, Michael D, and Peach. MK calls Valerie’s “a really bad tennis dress gone wrong.” Cynthia calls it “a kinda weird cartoon character.” Michael D, they all agree, made the model look so much worse than the original dress. Peach’s dress looked “homesewn” (Heidi), “totally over-designed” (Nina). MK says “she has the sewing and tailoring skills – it’s the taste level that I’m worried about.”

How about some peplum?

As the six of them file back out to face the music, barely after the door closes on them, Gretchen flips out. “What show are we on???? I feel like I don’t even know why I’m here, man! I had to bite my tongue.” Andy says he feels like they’re spinning him in five circles. I mean, I’ve heard of sore losers, but this is beyond ridiculous!

Michael C is the winner. He is so excited he jumps up and down and immediately goes to hug Valerie, who’s standing next to him, forgetting in his excitement that she hates him as much as the rest of them do. This means he has immunity for the next challenge. He’s teary-eyed and goes back to the dishing area.

When Michael C comes into the room and announces that he won, everyone looks dismayed. Ivy (in a bitchy voice): “of course you did.” Gretchen, frowning, tells the camera “it’s frustrating because craftsmanship isn’t as acknowledged as I had hoped it to be.” Yes, we can’t all make a garment that looks like an iron burnt it in several places.

Reaction Shots to Michael C’s win

Casanova’s the only one who admits he respects Michael C as a designer. Wow. So much vitriol. It’s just like being in junior high school where the popular kids freeze out one unlucky kid. Mondo’s next to come back as safe and second runner up. When he comes in there’s a chorus of well wishing. Christopher’s next as third runner up, another chorus of gladness from the dishing area.

Valerie escapes from the bottom three as safe. Peach and Michael D are the bottom two. Michael D narrowly escapes, he’d better thank his lucky stars for that avocado peplum. Peach – out. She graciously thanks the judges, saying, “thank you, I’ve had the time of my life.” She goes back to say goodbye to the troops: “Who’s gonna be the fairy dragmother?”

Everyone is sad, and even I have to admit a tear comes to my eye, even though I couldn’t understand why Peach kept slithering through week after week (simple answer, there were worse trainwrecks – but the writing was on the wall). She’s such a nice lady – that’s the truth. Tim comes in to bid a fond farewell: “You’re a gem and we’re going to miss you a lot.” There’s nary a dry eye in the room.

And sew it goes!

Check out the Michael C video diary for this episode in which he tells us how he really feels about everyone hating on him, from the official Project Runway site.

If you’re digging my recaps, check out my new Tumblelog

Project Runway airs Thursday nights at 9pm ET on Lifetime TV

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Several Wednesday nights ago at my weight loss meeting a new member joined our group. I’ll call her Amy. This was her first time following any diet (yes, first timers do still exist).

An outgoing young woman, Amy was very excited to begin and curious about the journey that lay before her. Many of the other members marveled at her inexperience and began taking her under their wing. Advice ranged from not shopping on an empty stomach to planning out her day every morning. I’m afraid poor Amy got an awful lot of information all at once and, by the time the meeting began, she was slightly overwhelmed. One long-standing member got in a parting tip: “And don’t think of this as a short-term thing. You’ll be doing this for the rest of your life.”

There’s a lot of focus in the diet industry these days about the whole “lifestyle change” thing. I admit it; I’m one of those who truly believe that living your diet, making it a new lifestyle, is definitely the ultimate goal. Lifestyle is, after all, the opposite of yo-yo. I don’t, however, believe that it has to be everyone’s FIRST goal. Let me explain.

There are days when working out and following your diet is not too bad, even enjoyable. (If it’s not, there’s a major problem here.) Then there are days when calling it a struggle is the understatement of the year. Fighting our way through the dessert room of a wedding reception or a rainy afternoon with the kids home from school wanting “SNACKS!” can be very draining and discouraging. To sit and think at that moment, “I’m going to be doing this for the rest of my life” can be enough to drive you to the cookie jar!

Just as our habits took time to entrench themselves in our lives, so new habits take time as well. New choices and habits and a healthier, weight-conscious mindset will take time to become part of us. And that’s OK. Don’t worry about forever. Forever is what happens as you work on making it through one meal at a time.

For those of you who have ever been involved with a twelve step program, their focus is “One Day At A Time.” If you look to the Bible for guidance, God clearly has a twenty-four hour focus. The manna He provided for the Israelites only lasted one day, twenty-four hours, before going bad. “Give us this day our DAILY bread” – implies just enough for today. If you feel like the “forever” focus is too much, you’re absolutely right. It’s overwhelming and discouraging. But YOU CAN work on creating your new lifestyle TODAY. For the next twenty-four hours YOU CAN stick with it, prepare ahead, write out your meals and check them off as you go. YOU CAN accomplish great things in one day that will give you the encouragement, experience and hope to take it one day more. And, honestly, that’s all you need to worry about.

This is the advice I gave to Amy last week: “You don’t have to do this for the rest of your life. You just have to do it today … EVERY day.”

PS THIS is what the Monday Night Chats is all about. If you’re discouraged and are tired of yo-yoing, if you need a jump start, please join us this Monday night at 8pm est. If you’re not a member, it’s free for the first month. We’d love to have you give it a try. 24/100% BABY!

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Hilarious comedian, “Louie” star, and recent drunk tweeter Louis C.K. went on “The Tonight Show” last night, and dished out some material on his two daughters’ NYC public school. C.K. told some hilarious and frightening stories about the times he’s volunteered during lunch time, when 300 kids are dining and “one Jamaican lady is watching all of them.”

One of the funniest parts of the interview was when C.K. reacted sarcastically after getting a lot of laughs talking about some of the school kids’ deathly peanut allergies, and again when he mentioned free lunch for low income students. Leno’s audience had some interesting reactions.

On another interesting note, the second guest on “The Tonight Show” last night was Bristol Palin. We wonder if there was an awkward moment since the subject of C.K.’s recent drunk Twitter rant was Bristol’s mom, Sarah Palin.

WATCH:

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